DA SUGA BREATHALIZER

Have you ever worried that your son/daughter/cat/senile uncle Jessie has been eating

HOLY SMOKES WAY TOO MUCH

sugar on the sly?

Are your twinkies, Lucky Charms and precious jugs of Aunt Jemima maple syrup being consumed at

HIGHLY ALARMING

and inexplicable rates??

Have you ever spotted a loved one’s hand twitching like

THE DAMN DICKENS,

your child’s knee jittering around all loosy goosy as though

POSSESSED BY THE AGITATED DEMON SPIRITS OF at least 107 MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS???

Well gosh DARN IT luckily for you, my troubled friend, we have just the thing for you:

***THE SUGAR BREATHALIZER***

A sneaky little device disguised as a twizzler;

the slightest saccharine breath blown by your beloved sugar addict will

render quick, clear results ranging from

1 (sugar-free baby) to 100 (imminent sugardose; seek help immediately) 

Purchase your own Sugar Breathalizer NOW for only $6.23 at any local gas station

We also accept golden dubloons, American Express cards and FourLokos as payment 

Prime example of the malignant effects of sugar addiction: this poor soul is only 32 years old.