Though life in France is most always magical and glorious, it has recently dawned on me that I witness (perform) extremely awkward things pretty much every day (moment), and, as proof, here is a list of some of the aWkKk events to have taken place in the last 48 hours:
1. While I was sprinting around in my magical backyard forest, suddenly an impertinent airborne insect had the sickening nerve to fly directly into my mouth. My reaction was reasonable enough: violent spitting and swearing, of course. This would have been acceptable had it not been for the stunned elderly couple observing nearby in horror from an embarrassingly proximate bench. I explained to them (probably with specks of spit and bits of broken fly on my face), “C’était une mouche dans la bouche” (It was a fly in the mouth). They smiled queasily in response to my awkward poem, and I ran away into the sheltering shrubbery, hoping to never never again encounter them for the rest of my days.
4. Yesterday, my “host grandma” asked me why I never wear a coat and how I manage not to die of the shiver-me-timbers (she may have phrased it differently). I attempted to explain, in French, that it must be my Russian soul (“mon âme russe”) that keeps me warm, but I accidentally said that it was my Russian man (“mon homme russe”) who keeps me toasty. I became conscious of the error a few moments too late into the convo and decided to allow her to interpret my strange remarks as she would, without further explanation (most of what I say en français is rather strange and eccentric–whether intentionally so or not–so she probably wasn’t particularly appalled anyways).
9. I will leave you with the most awkward of images – I encountered this nightmare dweller at the aquarium (admittedly, this was not filmed within the last 48 hours but it’s just so damn awkward that I had to include it/her/him as the grand finale):
Hey so um bye!!