Awkward things that have happened in the past 48 hours

Though life in France is most always magical and glorious, it has recently dawned on me that I witness (perform) extremely awkward things pretty much every day (moment), and, as proof, here is a list of some of the aWkKk events to have taken place in the last 48 hours:

1. While I was sprinting around in my magical backyard forest, suddenly an impertinent airborne insect  had the sickening nerve to fly directly into my mouth.  My reaction was reasonable enough: violent spitting and swearing, of course.  This would have been acceptable had it not been for the stunned elderly couple observing nearby in horror from an embarrassingly proximate bench.  I explained to them (probably with specks of spit and bits of broken fly on my face), “C’était une mouche dans la bouche” (It was a fly in the mouth).  They smiled queasily in response to my awkward poem, and I ran away into the sheltering shrubbery, hoping to never never again encounter them for the rest of my days.

2.

I stumbled upon this children's drawing on my way to the supermarket - this sunflower's screams of agony whilst being poisoned to death my that angry little man will likely haunt me for the rest of my days.

I stumbled upon this children’s drawing on my way to the supermarket – the sunflower’s screams of agony whilst being poisoned to death my that angry little man will likely haunt me for the rest of my days.

3.

This has gotta be at least a 30 degree angle.  Come on, France, get yo geometry right.  Nothing more awkward than inaccurate angle depictions amirite?

A sign that I saw on the way home from schoolio…this has gotta be AT LEAST a 30 degree angle. Come on, France, get yo geometry right. Nothing more awkward than inaccurate angle depictions amirite?

4.  Yesterday, my “host grandma” asked me why I never wear a coat and how I manage not to die of the shiver-me-timbers (she may have phrased it differently). I attempted to explain, in French, that it must be my Russian soul (“mon âme russe”) that keeps me warm, but I accidentally said that it was my Russian man (“mon homme russe”) who keeps me toasty.  I became conscious of the error a few moments too late into the convo and decided to allow her to interpret my strange remarks as she would, without further explanation (most of what I say en français is rather strange and eccentric–whether intentionally so or not–so she probably wasn’t particularly appalled anyways).

5.

These deformed knob trees I found in a town called Smarves, which is basically just "Smurfs" with a French accent

These deformed knob trees I found in a town called Smarves, which is basically just “Smurfs” with a French accent

6.

This peculiar empty, broken shell of a building, tattooed with graffiti - I asked the garçons what it was used for these days and they told me that it was full of "homeless people, criminals, and poison."  Both awkward and horrifying. Cool beans, France.

This peculiar empty, broken shell of a building, tattooed with graffiti – I asked the garçons what it was used for these days, and they told me that it was full of “homeless people, criminals, and poison.” This, I find both awkward and horrifying. Cool beans, France.

7.

This limbo pole I found in da park.  1.9 meters aka 6.2 feet - THAT'S WAY TOO TALL, FRANCE.  Only giants would enjoy this how god damn dare you

This limbo pole I found in da park. 1.9 meters aka 6.2 feet – THAT’S WAY TOO TALL, FRANCE. Only giants would enjoy this game.. how god damn dare you

8.

A street sign which reads,  "Aimez nos enfants" (Love our children); something about pairing the love of our children with the image of this terrified child's violent and impending doom seems deeply wrong.  And awkward. Awkward to my damn core.

A street sign which reads, “Aimez nos enfants” (Love our children); something about pairing the notion of loving our children with the image of this terrified child’s violent and impending doom seems very wrong. And awkward. Awkward to my damn core.

9. I will leave you with the most awkward of images – I encountered this nightmare dweller at the aquarium (admittedly, this was not filmed within the last 48 hours but it’s just so damn awkward that I had to include it/her/him as the grand finale):

Hey so um bye!!

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