Have you ever worried that your son/daughter/cat/senile uncle Jessie has been eating
HOLY SMOKES WAY TOO MUCH
sugar on the sly?
Are your twinkies, Lucky Charms and precious jugs of Aunt Jemima maple syrup being consumed at
and inexplicable rates??
Have you ever spotted a loved one’s hand twitching like
THE DAMN DICKENS,
your child’s knee jittering around all loosy goosy as though
POSSESSED BY THE AGITATED DEMON SPIRITS OF at least 107 MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS???
Well gosh DARN IT luckily for you, my troubled friend, we have just the thing for you:
***THE SUGAR BREATHALIZER***
A sneaky little device disguised as a twizzler;
the slightest saccharine breath blown by your beloved sugar addict will
render quick, clear results ranging from
1 (sugar-free baby) to 100 (imminent sugardose; seek help immediately)
Purchase your own Sugar Breathalizer NOW for only $6.23 at any local gas station
We also accept golden dubloons, American Express cards and FourLokos as payment